Reel me in

While i was wandering and looking around at the beauty products like Sari Ayu and Mustika Ratu counter,

this one sales girl in it was like;

"Alai, mau cari apa? Kami ada pembersih untuk yang berjerawat"

"Ini baik untuk kulit kamu. Ini pembersih, ini ubat creamnya. Di sapu pada jerawat nya."

"Jerawat nya boleh hilang. Ndak mengeringkan muka juga"

And I was like, "Hmmm" nonchalantly and gave her my best effort to smile.

Then I turned to the other counter.

And she was like giving me her best smile and baring teeth with twinkle at her eyes like she's in Puteri Indonesia Contest and said;

"Ya? Mau cari apa? Kami ada pil jamu perawatan untuk remaja kayak kamu lho"

"Ini baik. Ia boleh menghilangkan jerawat dan membuang lemak"

...

This time I genuinely turned to look at her and smile. To her and to myself.

I was amused.

Amused, thinking how they must've seen me as an easy target.

Like maybe they saw me coming and with one good look, they would probably think they could hook me in their products in seconds!

I mean, hey! Those conversation above sure gives away a lot about me.

Don't you think?

I seriously don't know how to take it.








But yeah, I leave the counter with 2 of 'pil jamu perawatan remaja' with the price of one.

Ha!

You might say that I AM an easy target.
I'm pretty sure for a second there that i too believed that i am.

But no. That was just me couldn't resist a good offer :) ✌

What do you want? Exactly?

I wanna find that place/ thing/ person
That i can pour my innermost, deepest thoughts.

I keep on thinking
Where, where, where.
Where can i find such bliss?

And then i stop.
Cause I wont find it.

I thought i'd found it in Twitter.
Yknow, your thoughts be swarmed across to strangers.
But when some actually notices it,
It loses that feeling.

I thought i'd found it in friends/ family.
Yknow, sharing our hearts and feelings out.
But when people use it against you,
It loses that feeling.

I thought i'd found it in here.
Yknow, writing it down and thinking no one would read this crap.
But when people actually are,
It loses that feeling.

Lack of Faith and Everything Else

There will come a time
where I believe we will all be facing failures.

There will come a time
where I believe we will all be standing on a crossroad,
confused and bewildered.

I once believed failure only comes in the form of education.
But now, it all has changed for
I've never felt so like a failure as much as I am now.

I thought things will get easy once you have overcame the hurdles.
Because thats what all they said, right?

'Pass this exam and your life will be fine'
'Overcome this and you'll go far. Trust me'

But the truth is, it never gets easy.
The more things you have gone through, the more tougher it gets.
Well, they never actually, literally said it was 'easy'.
I guess, I should've read between the lines.

But what if, this is it, for me?
What if, this is all I ever can do?
Aren't we supposed to know our very own strength and capabilities?
I feel like I don't have the strength to continue anymore.
I need a new...directions.
But then why don't I believe everything I just said? said the head.
What if all of this is just because I'm too afraid?
Of things.
Of uncertainty.

Don't you just feel at loss thinking if I choose this now, what will ever happen to me if i choose the other one?

At crossroads.
Where the choice you'd make will change the course of your life.

Never what you think of

One day, i unknowingly scribbled on a post-it while talking with my sister.

I laughed at it for so long, thinking

'Oh wow. That is very deep.'