Day 1 of Instagram-cleansing

Hahahaha obnoxious jua title nya.

But yeah. 

Day 1 of not checking instagram. 

Funny story. 

My sister challenged me not to check ig for a month.

Actually I brought this one on myself. Where i got annoyed that i just decided not to check ig for a month. 

I meant it as a joke. 

BUT MY SISTER retorted and said as if I could do just that.

That girl. 

I swear if she's actually here right now, I'd probably choke her to death.

So one thing lead to another and here we are. 

This is to prove that I actually can do just that. *blows nail

But i think im having withdrawal already. 

Hahahhhahaah

Day 1 jua banar. 

But seriously though. 

I felt lost for a while. 

Maybe because it's part of my daily routine. 

Not doing it feels...weird. 

And empty.

Hahahahaha

Tapi come on.

I just lost one source of entertainment. 

IG explore is actually where I usually find all those crazy funny posts, memes and videos. 

Rindu ku. 

But from that same source as well 

IS actually the reason why this all has started. 

Ugh. 

My IG Explore is currently contaminated with non stop annoying faces from that malaysian drama. 

Pfft. 

People surrounding me talk about it all the time. 

Pfft. 

Even I TALK ABOUT IT AS WELL WHICH APPARENTLY OUT OF ANNOYANCE AND IT'S GETTING HARD TO KEEP MY EMOTION AND COOL IN CHECK BUT IMMA COOL DOWN.

SUPER PFFT! 

Sheesh. 

It has caused lot of damage to me self. 

Rusak hati me. 

Yknow, i got so annoyed by it that I actually threw my phone away.

On several different occasions and places. 

That's how frustrated i was/am at it/him/her. 

Annoying berabisss. 

I don't even know why I don't like it/him/her. 

Inexplicable. 

Or mungkin pasal aku hater hahahaha. 

Which is also WHYYYYY IM DOING THIS. 

To cleanse my heart. 

Jaga hati. 

Because in the end, it's for me. 

Plus it's tiring to feel angry all the time. 

And kinda stupid for getting angry at something that's completely and utterly pointless. 

Lol. 

So #eleksha. 

And now, 29 days to go haha. 

Sigh.

p.s. The drama has something to do with pilot and famous hijan seller. Whatever.

the after party

waking up the next morning

feeling content.

and just heave a blissful sigh.

i love it.

but the  w i t h d r a w a l

*cries

--

the past two weeks have been tiring.

roller-coaster.

*rolls eyes

but seriously.

i know this is just like the usual.

my usual drama hahaha

but ugh.

whatever.

and i don't let myself think.

if i don't think,

then i won't remember.

then i will be fine.

so don't think.

don't even try to remember.

my emotional roller-coaster had also led me

to take a not-so-spur-of-the-moment decision.

i just feel like i had to.

nothing major - i just cut my hair short bahahaha.

cut off the weights (literally and figuratively) on my shoulders.

and this is my first time to ever have this short short hair.

never been this short in a long while

that it's so awkward to see me like this.

heh.

--

the same past two weeks,

i had been spending my weekends outside Brunei.

the first week i was in Singapore and

just last weekend i was in KL.

crazy, i know!

but so so tiring.

but at the same time so so worth it.

i mean

i am so "jet lagged" that i tried to get off from the seat belt 

in my friend's car like you got off of it in a plane.

i literally put my hands on my stomach, searching for metal flap,

instead of pushing the button on my right (passenger side)

-_________-"

lulz. Dumbass.

--

this also happened last Sunday:

SHEILA ON 7'S 20TH ANNIVERSARY CONCERT!

THE reason why I was in KL.

holy shit you guys!

where do i even begin??

like, this is was in my bucket list!

even tweeted about wanting to go for their concert like 2 years ago??

just holy goodness in life and everything in it!

the opening was by Noh Salleh (um major love!)

i felt like i was the only one singing along to him.

hahaha perasan but seriously though

AND Duta you guysss!

D U T A

does he ever age at all?!

although it was *kinda* suck

because we had purchased the wrong ticket :(

should have bought the Duta zone which was closer to the stage.

but pretty happy nonetheless for being there.

at one moment,

i literally put my hands on my face

and thought "i'm actually here watching this"

the feeling when i was there

and the feeling afterwards

and the withdrawals, the everything

those are just what i am so grateful right now.

xx

Hello Oddball

I had the weirdest encounter this morning at work.

I was at the parking spot, getting ready to come out, 

But actually taking sweet time to collect things up, 

Listened to one final song on the radio,

When suddenly,

This pilot guy opened my car door and said "Oi!"

And had me "Aarrhh!"
(How could i not be surprised)

Then he just laughed and closed my door again.

And then he walked away.

...

I actually lost for words. 

After a few minutes, I just

"What...the...hell is wrong with that guy?!"

As i watched him turned and out of my sight.

Ok first of all,
I don't know why he did that?
Second, we barely talk.
Like, close to never.
And that just makes this a whole lot weird-er.

Pillow talk

When we were in KLCC, i noticed a guy was kneeling on the ground.

Yes, he was proposing to his girlfriend.

Yes, he held out one hand to her.

But...

No, it was not beautiful.

No, it was not sweet.

It was terrible.

Because no one seemed to notice it.

And I, as a bystander, strangely felt obligated to continue witnessing this "magical moment".

And also because the girl kept looking, her eyes wandering, wondering whether people were looking at them.

Looking at her.

Then the girl nodded.

Finally!

And i clapped.

(People still weren't looking at them)

Terrible.

It didn't even come close to what I've seen in movies.

Terrible. Fucking terrible.

Meh, whatever.

On another note, we couldn't take a proper and decent picture that night.

Stupid innovation

One day after work,

my friend decided to use the elevator in HQ.

We were from the 2nd floor and were heading home.

As we walked inside the elevator,

I know it was only in my head but

I thought the cab was hauntingly dark with black tiling and body.

When the door closed,

My head started to talk.

"What if it stops? Again?"

"What if you dont make it this time?"

"Oh god. Youre gonna die!"

"No. I will not die"

"Yeah but what if it stops and you cant get out of here?"

DING!

The door opened.

I didnt even realise, i was holding my breath.

And i even exhaled it in relief!

Now,

I dont even realised i was experiencing "trauma"

But then I understand that i was.

It was like claustrophobia with plus plus.

 

I thought that first time tragedy was just meh!

The first time is the cause if it all.

The first time was in that stupid Ripas Hospital lah.

The middle elevator on the left side, if youre coming from the main entrance.

The one next to the service elevator.

That stupid elevator on that day was going up when we pushed down.

So I thought it was probably some people upstairs.

Then it descended again but suddenly it stopped abruptly.

And going upstairs again. 

But the door never opened.

It was like were stuck in between floors.

This went one for twice maybe.

This makcik next to me was already panic asking whats happening?

And i just told her;

"umm entah ah. Tapi usul nya mcm stuck"

Straight face.

That makcik went wailing and start to babble gibberish.

So again i told her;

"bah! Jangan tah panic dulu"

I know i was not much of a help to that makcik.

But all i know, someone gotta get a grip and be the reasonable one.

So I kept pushing the emergency button.

The elevator finally worked properly and

We went out (thankfully) safely!

So I thought it was nothing serious.

Because my sister and I were making fun at ourselves after that even.

I thought i would get it over.

But apparently not.

Shit!

I could never get on an elevator like a normal person again.

Will try to avoid getting on one.

Hey!

On the bright side, i just unintentionally choose the "healthy way" of using stairs.

Except, what if it is a 17 fricking floors building?

Pondering ponds

I seriously took a lot of time thinking, contemplating, pondering on what to write.

About this.

About me on this.

About what I feel about this.

About that book.

I cannot read, concentrate on another book until I figure it out.

"It demands to be felt"

It surprised me.

It surprised me many times.

I thought everyone would get better as the story develops.

I thought everyone would survive.

But nooooo.

And thats what suprised me.

And it kills me.

This the same like Heart-Shaped Bruise.

Or the Devotion of Suspect X.

The story surprised me.

It really was a page turner that when I came to the climax,

I was...shocked.

Literally jaw-dropped.

But this one.

This one is special because, it has the privilage to be the first to make me cry.

First book I ever read that made me cry.

Excuse me while I bawl my eyes out kinda cry.

So yeaah.

I mean, I thought I want to take things slowly because I want to savour them.

Apprehend each words I read.

Understand each sentence I read.

Understand the emotion they convey.

But nooooo.

I just cant stop myself from turning the pages.

You know that feeling you get when you downloaded full season of a tv show,

That you can watch the entire season in one night

Cause you cant wait to know what will happen next

And you keep telling yourself "one last episode before bedtime, one last episode"

But nooooo.

It never really was "one last episode"

I mean I spent half of my day finishing this book!

From the moment I woke up, I grabbed and started reading it.

I dont even care if my puasa is makruh.

Thats how good this book is!

Seriously.

I need to take a breath.

Things got pretty escalated up there. (Hah!)

Sigh.

Maybe thats the thing with books yknow.

You never really know whats going to happen until you actually read it.

I mean, you think you got it all figured out but boom!

You dont.

You think you know what will happen next but boom!

You dont.

And i love that.

Maybe thats why i love thriller/psychological/crime-solving books.

Or books in general.

They surprise you.

Reel me in

While i was wandering and looking around at the beauty products like Sari Ayu and Mustika Ratu counter,

this one sales girl in it was like;

"Alai, mau cari apa? Kami ada pembersih untuk yang berjerawat"

"Ini baik untuk kulit kamu. Ini pembersih, ini ubat creamnya. Di sapu pada jerawat nya."

"Jerawat nya boleh hilang. Ndak mengeringkan muka juga"

And I was like, "Hmmm" nonchalantly and gave her my best effort to smile.

Then I turned to the other counter.

And she was like giving me her best smile and baring teeth with twinkle at her eyes like she's in Puteri Indonesia Contest and said;

"Ya? Mau cari apa? Kami ada pil jamu perawatan untuk remaja kayak kamu lho"

"Ini baik. Ia boleh menghilangkan jerawat dan membuang lemak"

...

This time I genuinely turned to look at her and smile. To her and to myself.

I was amused.

Amused, thinking how they must've seen me as an easy target.

Like maybe they saw me coming and with one good look, they would probably think they could hook me in their products in seconds!

I mean, hey! Those conversation above sure gives away a lot about me.

Don't you think?

I seriously don't know how to take it.








But yeah, I leave the counter with 2 of 'pil jamu perawatan remaja' with the price of one.

Ha!

You might say that I AM an easy target.
I'm pretty sure for a second there that i too believed that i am.

But no. That was just me couldn't resist a good offer :) ✌

Never what you think of

One day, i unknowingly scribbled on a post-it while talking with my sister.

I laughed at it for so long, thinking

'Oh wow. That is very deep.'

"Do you even have an original thought?"

Accidentally bared myself

Accidentally showed myself

Accidentally made myself vulnerable

I dont...

I dont like that.

In fact, i hate it.

Never again.

setting up to do things that only ended up into nothing

first post of 2013!!!

(can't emphasise enough of that one)

well everyone should know that

i was gonna post something before the end of 2012, during the new year's eve.

like i said to myself; "setting up tradition for this blog of mine"

snorts.

but i didn't cause i was too caught up doing exactly nothing and that memory was just foggy that one.

I wonder

Who even reads blogger nowadays?

Apparently you, my dear.

Apparently you.

Note to self

When you are surrounded with people,

When you are surrounded with strangers,

When you are in public places,

Just remember this:

You Were Never An Option To All of Them

It saves you a helluva effort.

Trust me.

Guess who can't sleep tonight

and start blogging rampantly

in the middle of the night

while everyone is probably having a dream by now?

But judging by the sound of the snores in here,

I'll bet all they are seeing are black screen. 

Hahahahaha!

(I even start a joke with myself)

Hello! :)

Pure bliss

Have you ever stepped into a shower 

With the perfect temperature 

And thought like you can stay in there 

forever? 

 Of course by forever,

I meant until you start choking on the water.

Or you feel like drowning.

Obviously.

Pfft!

Fifty Shades of...

what's the best thing about being a grown up?

no one stops you from knowing things.

so yeah, 

i've read all the three trilogy of Fifty Shades (shocks!)

please, keep an open mind.

the books were fine!

the only awful part is that the author keeps on using the same words.

over and over again.

other than that,

it's fine, i guess.

the light moments potrayed were funny and

i especially liked the conversations the characters were having via emails.

  

i mean,

i might even have a slightest crush on Christian Grey.

Despite, "the fifty shades of fuckedupness"

Déjà vu

[Frank Ocean - Bad Religion]

 

After reading the two characters in a book

 (well, actually its 3 books) 

and their journey 

and in the end, both ended up happy, 

i feel happy too. 

 Oh, the beautiful thing in reading!

Sometimes i even caught myself grinning to myself.

And then at one time, i even felt anxious.

All of those i can find in reading books.

Only the the thing is,

Life isn't a book narrated by author.

But nevermind, i let myself have this joy for a while.

contradicting never really help, right?

they say write what you know.

so here is what i know, well, at least for now.

i believe i am still in 'fasa pencarian identiti'

dan fasa pencarian identiti ini sungguh 'suck'

Unbelievably clueless

So my sister has a cat.
She is unbelievably has a fat belly.
We always thought she is just plain fat.
Cause yknow, all she ever do is eat and sleep.

Today when we were playing with her,
Particularly trying to make her do some "exercise"
She was annoyingly clingy and my sister complains how much her weigh nowadays.
And then I heard she was wheezing.

I actually laughed for doing this but out of curiosity,
I googled 'can my cat have asthma?'
And it turned out they can!
But the only symptom that matched her was just the wheezing.
So I thought maybe the cat is so fat that she's having trouble breathing.
Hence, the wheezing.
(that's actually rhyming. Including this thing)

But then I continue googling.
'how do I know if my cat is pregnant?'
Now this is when things getting interesting.
So I found this

The first noticeable sign of pregnancy in a cat is a change in her nipples. Approximately three weeks after mating her nipples will become pinker and more enlarged. This is called 'Pinking'

HAHAHA! Check!

And then;

Your cat may become more affectionate and want more of your attention.

Oh man! That's a check!

There may be an increase in appetite.

Check!

As the pregnancy advances your cat may begin 'nesting' behaviour. She may begin searching for a place to deliver her kittens. She will try to get into closets, cupboards and other secluded places.

Check! (considering the fact that she was hiding under the table)

OH MY GOD! THE CAT IS PREGNANT!

But you see,
When I told all of this to my bibi, she only simply replied me with
"ah sok tahu!"

And there I was, standing more clueless than ever.

Maahn! Doubt is a bitch.

how foolish was that!

yesterday was a good day :)

it was a happy day

something that i would never forget. insyaAllah.

i wish i can really describe how i felt.

how wide my smile was, how hysterical i was,

how crazy i was, how i was so adrenaline-rushed

it was amazing!

heh

and i told to myself

'oh dear god, i can die happy now. really.'

this thing is going to have a heavy turn

oh well

[Alicia Keys- If I Aint Got You]

SUBHANALLAH!

its July already.

but its okay. its alright.

im not gonna end up like i always do when it comes to this.

im improved.

moved on.

its the very last month of long vacation

and after this will be attachment.

InsyaAllah, amin!

for the last few months have been okay.

ive re-downloaded some of the series back.

im just pissed at Castle season 3.

it seems like taking forever to finish download!

sakit hati ku!

but i really want to watch that despite all.

sigh

sometimes when i have so much to tell,

there's a split second of a moment that part of me says:

"NO ONE CARES!"

backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace