but everything happens for a reason. it must be.

[Rihanna- We Found Love]

so here is what i gotta say before 2011 ends.

im not gonna whine how the time flies. that is so cliche!

1. the end of 2011 marks the end of my attachment. finally!
   
2. the end of 2011 also marks the start of new semester in one week times. blerrrgh!
3. staying true to yourself is a hard job
4. when surrounded with a lot of people with a lot of different attitudes makes point no 2 even harder to do but its not impossible.
5. when someone says something bad to you, the saying 'it takes one to know one' is definitely true. (like when someone is saying that you're a bitch. Go figure!)
6. when two parties are in a fight, being the neutral is never the best idea. In fact, its a huge pain in the ass.
7. its funny when everything seems to fuck up
8. i can never be a friendly person. no matter how hard i try.
9. people amazes me though this never really help me in point no 8.
10. the only advantage i get from point no 8 is i have refined my skill in eavesdropping.
11. i just realised point no 8 is the pain in my ass for most of my 2011
    
12. first impression still is a taboo to me.
13. good looking person always brighten more of your day.
14. i can always find funny things when everyone is in tensed situation
    
15. im a skeptic for the jolly good feelings and things and all.
    
16. i will always be amazed and awed to people with amazing thoughts and logics.
17. i think faster than i type. hence the second sentence up there where i forgot to put in the word 'fast' after how.
    
18. and i am easily influenced. hence the way im doing this.

Are you really expecting me to tell everything in here?

thats a whole 12 months of experiences and flashbacks!

but have a good year everyone.

z.

Count your blessings

The problem with people, they judge.

The problem with people, they assume.

The problem with people, they talk behind one's back.

The problem with people, they provoke.

The problem with people, they feel victimised.

The problem with people, they feel superior than the other.

The problem with all of these, I might be wrong.

In the end, all I know, the problem with all of us,
We are all fools.

contradicting never really help, right?

they say write what you know.

so here is what i know, well, at least for now.

i believe i am still in 'fasa pencarian identiti'

dan fasa pencarian identiti ini sungguh 'suck'

Unbelievably clueless

So my sister has a cat.
She is unbelievably has a fat belly.
We always thought she is just plain fat.
Cause yknow, all she ever do is eat and sleep.

Today when we were playing with her,
Particularly trying to make her do some "exercise"
She was annoyingly clingy and my sister complains how much her weigh nowadays.
And then I heard she was wheezing.

I actually laughed for doing this but out of curiosity,
I googled 'can my cat have asthma?'
And it turned out they can!
But the only symptom that matched her was just the wheezing.
So I thought maybe the cat is so fat that she's having trouble breathing.
Hence, the wheezing.
(that's actually rhyming. Including this thing)

But then I continue googling.
'how do I know if my cat is pregnant?'
Now this is when things getting interesting.
So I found this

The first noticeable sign of pregnancy in a cat is a change in her nipples. Approximately three weeks after mating her nipples will become pinker and more enlarged. This is called 'Pinking'

HAHAHA! Check!

And then;

Your cat may become more affectionate and want more of your attention.

Oh man! That's a check!

There may be an increase in appetite.

Check!

As the pregnancy advances your cat may begin 'nesting' behaviour. She may begin searching for a place to deliver her kittens. She will try to get into closets, cupboards and other secluded places.

Check! (considering the fact that she was hiding under the table)

OH MY GOD! THE CAT IS PREGNANT!

But you see,
When I told all of this to my bibi, she only simply replied me with
"ah sok tahu!"

And there I was, standing more clueless than ever.

Maahn! Doubt is a bitch.

wishing things to happen but

too scared to let it happen

(this is me right now)

you trigger the stalker in me

sorry for the last angry post

i never intend to make this to be a habit

i never intend to be so hateful

hate is a baggage

i should calm down.

but that was on impulse.

down right angry and letting it out.

so, the attachment time is getting to its end.

one month only. hoooyeaaahh!

one time, i get so excited cause i cant wait for holiday.

the other time, i feel like im gonna miss my attachment place and the people.

oh well.

lately,

i have so many scenes inside my head that i have to write it all down.

like they all keep repeating in my head that i just have to.

write it down, i mean.

whats the point in doing that?

i really dont know but at least my mind is finally shutting up.

unfortunately, for a while.

oh well.

now,

i have nothing else to say.

i do but it seems pointless.

oh well.

Celaka lah you!

I never get it why people would treat me like dirt
Sure, I don't care at all but who are we kidding right?
IT HURTS LIKE "BAIE KALI KAU ANI!"
You know what I mean?

I know karma and paying back and all that sorts
But to humiliate me as an addition?
That is just taking it to a whole new level!
That shit makes me wanna think twice why did I ever end up with an asshole like you.

So okay, I've dealt with lots of your sick jokes.
And you probably answered me like 'mcm inda biasa saja kau ani'
But that act you pulled, that's just like a turning point.
A...uhh, slap in the face!

Sigh

Maybe I sound childish but fuck you!
No one have the right to treat me like that.
Let alone you, to have the privilege to be the first!

Oh god, I hate you.
And you know what, I think I've always been.
You have unresolved issues and just go cry to your mommy!
With this look upon your face:



Yeah, retarded face!
Even a 5 year old can pull that one.
Maybe you can do it much excellently.
Because you know, only YOU can do things way better than anyone else.


Go die lah you!

Maybe I should put thinking as my hobby

Why?
Because I can.

Yknow,
I think about so many things.
Especially when adrenaline-pumped.
Usually during driving to and back from work.

From "who's working today eh?"
To "wah lau eh! Boring ni hari ni"
To "krg lunch makan mana? Yang murah!"
To "sigh. To unfollow or not to unfollow"
To remembering some quotes I got somewhere god knows where
To seeing scenes that pop out from god knows where
To "SUBHANALLAH! Batah jua org ani"
To "apa lagu baru ah?"
To "I need to save some money. KL! KL! KL!"
To "hehehe" after some inside jokes I made myself
To "theater performances"
To "KIL! When is it coming out?"
To remembering things I've said before
To "why did I say that?!"
To "no one cares. Afterall, I'm nothing. No one likes me"
To "eh who cares! Not please everyone lah"
To "but then, if you don't care why it hurts so bad?"
To SIGH
To "I wonder what he tweeted about last night. Didn't check."
To another quote something like "...Russian like nose and pretty brown eyes"
To "not fair eh! Kenapa ia lawa atu kan?"
To "why can't I just stop thinking about him kan!"
To "oh shit! Akhir ni"
To "Alaaahh! Nada parking ni! Jauh parking ni!"
To "whoa! Range Rover!"
To "krg buat apa ah?"
To "laju. Laju. Laju. Laju. Laju. Gila batah orang ani!"
To "kenapa kan orang ani bagi sticker arah kereta nya? Apatah tu?"
To "of course!"

All that until I slowed down because of traffic jammed.
And that last quote actually me saying out loud.

The thing is, I like talking to myself.
Well, with my heads.
Yes, heads.


" to hehehe after some inside jokes I made myself"
Whoa! This is depressing.

I blame you for this thought I made

Funny,
how I try to talk to someone I just met,
particularly was trying to be nice and friendly and all that,
the words I was gonna utter stuck in my throat.

Happened once and I amused myself.

I don't get it how some people find it easy just to say things
to random people they just knew or met.
They even start with the name-callings and teasing and joking!
I mean, don't these people ever think how that would make them?

Or maybe it's just me.
Super friendly means super creppy, aren't they?

Or maybe that's just them.
Staying true to themselves.


To that kind of people,
I hate you for all the annoying things you guys said,
for all the lame, annoying and not funny jokes,
for all the high shrieks you've made when you laugh
for all the super ridiculous names you've created,
for all the attentions you've gotten,
for all the efforts you've tried and succeded,
...

Wait. This seems personal.
Oops!

I'm not likable by people but unicorns

Look at how awesome I was.
That was one hell of the hey-day.
I miss you, the old me.

Wah! What a narcissistic bitch.

Sorry I degressed.

But then, what exactly was my initial point for saying all of this?

Oh that's right.


Big fat nothing. Again.


Of course.


Stop!


This is annoying.


I know.




Bitch!

im not a people person

and i dont think i ever will be.

im not friendly.

i think i think differently.

bet you guys cant even understand that.

i dont have anything interesting to talk about.

and most of the time i really dont want to hear your gibberish talks.

i dont have the ear to hear all your problems.

im not willing to lend it.

i dont give a damn really.

i always find bliss in ignorance.

the only time i would probably love to be left alone with my own thoughts

is when surrounded with strangers.

i build a huge wall for all of you.

try to break that down and i will most likely give you that

"WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!!!!!!" face

just because i hate small talks. why?

because they make awkward moment even more awkward-er.

i am so hard to please lah and for that,

i am probably the most boring person in the world.

i even feel awkward when i am to be situated with kids around.

but social experiences taught me we have to act cute and

make that ridiculous faces just to get their attention,

when all they ever do is just stare.

blank stare.

what a high-standard-attention whores!

and creepy.

this technique doesnt always work.

at least to me.

which i concluded there's something wrong with me

and for that, i like to bully kids.

until they are crying and i leave the crime scene.

feeling rather happy.

so,

there IS something wrong with me.

but i just pretend all of this is only inside my head.

is this real or not is the real question.

is there something wrong with me is not.

but whatever.

for all that questions, i just respond with

'AHH...DIAMLAH!'

p.s. awkward-er is blatantly not a word. duh!

how foolish was that!

yesterday was a good day :)

it was a happy day

something that i would never forget. insyaAllah.

i wish i can really describe how i felt.

how wide my smile was, how hysterical i was,

how crazy i was, how i was so adrenaline-rushed

it was amazing!

heh

and i told to myself

'oh dear god, i can die happy now. really.'

this thing is going to have a heavy turn

the reason for all the unexpected smiles i give

dear all,

there's this guy...

somehow after 'knowing' him,

i feel like for all the craps i have written here is just literally sampah.

but the thing is, im ridiculously awed by him everyday.

most of the time, its jealousy.

yknow,

i want his kind of mind,

his kind of thoughts,

his consistency,

his choices of words and everything.

and he blogs.

not in tumblr or wordpress or that kind.

simply, in blogger.

so, remember when i said i dont have the heart, the will and that sorts to do this anymore?

(its in the previous post)

well baby, i guess im staying!

heh

Thank You For Whatever We Used To Be

so i know its been two months since i leave this place.

i havent got the time or the effort or the will to do this anymore

but dont have the heart to delete this thing.

oh well.

decision, decision.

right now,

im having my 8.30 - 5.30 life pace everyday.

i even work on Friday!!!

its tiring but so far, its been good.

i dont know what el

se to say or write.

but hey, raya is fine :)

oh well

[Alicia Keys- If I Aint Got You]

SUBHANALLAH!

its July already.

but its okay. its alright.

im not gonna end up like i always do when it comes to this.

im improved.

moved on.

its the very last month of long vacation

and after this will be attachment.

InsyaAllah, amin!

for the last few months have been okay.

ive re-downloaded some of the series back.

im just pissed at Castle season 3.

it seems like taking forever to finish download!

sakit hati ku!

but i really want to watch that despite all.

sigh

sometimes when i have so much to tell,

there's a split second of a moment that part of me says:

"NO ONE CARES!"

backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace, backspace

lets have a silent moment for this

it is confirmed.

my external hard disk is fucked up!

so long all the things inside it.

all the movies and series ive downloaded.

Goodbye.

all the moments captured when in Lumut.

Au revoir!

what makes me more sad than just losing them is that

all those time i have waited for the download to finish just seem wasted

and gone and useless and fucked!

sigh

but im okay now.

is it funny how all the movies and series ive watched flash back before me as im typing this?

or is it just plain weird?

so,

always in my mind:

The Big Bang Theory season 1-3

Castle season 1-3

Lie To Me season 1-3

Warehouse 13 season 1-2

Nur Kasih

Cougar Town season 1

Misfits season 1-2

Fight Club

Star Wars Episode I-VI

Pretty Little Liars

Kaichou-wa Maid Sama!

Atonement

Pride and Prejudice

and many more...

it's been an honour to own you :'|

why do they have to put labels on everything?

[Arctic Monkeys - Do Me a Favour]

they say everything happens for a reason.

but in real life,

when you try to explain something,

try to give them the reason why,

they will say you are so full of excuses.

people.

they are so judgemental and put label on everything.

Nathan: "Gay, straight, retarded. Why do we have to put labels on everything?"

Kelly: "Cos, we do. All right! Or-else no one's going to know what the fuck's going on."

(Misfits, Season 2 Episode 3)

on a much lighter note,

Selamat Pengantin Baru!

lomo

before i go more deep into this, this whole post may come out as total useless like the rest and

will ultimately waste your time.

considered yourself been forewarned

hey y'all!

my life has been...

(i actually have no words, not a clue, to finish that sentence)

so, currently we are having another wedding ceremony

last time we had it was 2 weeks ago or so.

maigaaaaaaaaaaad, tired nalang!

but guess the best part i got so far.

i finally know how to dance poco-poco.

sekadar.

ive always thought poco-poco is talur because i dont know why,

but the sense and the feeling of accomplishing things!!!!

on another news,

my brother has this Nikon D80 but has been ages since used last

cause it doesnt work properly anymore.

no service for the camera, no work nice lah the camera!

kesian.

i self-declared the camera as mine

and fortunately, no one seemed to object so i guess

everyone agreed.

hahehahehahehaheh

the way the pictures turned out makes me even more happier.

they worked out just like lomo.

okaybye!

let's do this all over again, shall we?

was giggling to myself all the way at the thought of us being together again :)

i can feel how the half of me is back again

i know it sounds cheesy but i do.

im so glad you are here!

ahekahekaheks

this ought to be making me happy tonight.

thank you for saying nice things :)

HI Y'ALL!

been waay to long figuring out on how to upload this shit in here.

and now, ive done it!

yay!

WARNING: Sakai-ness may overload.

ahaks!

but sucks, i still dont know how to resize it.

oh well.

whats up, everybody?

ive always wanted to backpack around the world.

well, at least around Europe.

do you know that feeling that

you missed out things and most of all

opportunities?

daily dose of nothing

the day has finally arrived!
3 months of long vacation, here i come!
be prepared with crappy headaches and junk foods.
super.
AWESOME!

are ya fooking kidding meh?

had a really crappy headache.

guess who's coming to the rescue?

Ryan, oh my dear happiness!

[Katy Perry feat Kanye West - E.T]

usul orang matanya tecucuk wiper

SUBHANALLAH!

on another note,

all assignments are done!

ALHAMDULILLAH!

OHYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Ah finally, March is over!

[The Wanted - All Time Low]

man oh man!

you should see how it turned out, especially now.

and look at how sweet i am.

Lukman should see this!

Aleed's 23rd birthday

and that's it, i believed i was just an option

[Neon Trees- Animal]

Guten Tag!

(thats hello in German, as i googled it)

so there was that day,

i was so depressed knowing how people making me as just their second choice.

i dont know why this is such a big deal

but it hurts...so bad.

I am just no good to anyone.

I dont even meet up to any one's expectation.

and now we come to today!

i said something to my friend

and she went like "sudah kana buang baru tah aku kana guna..."

and thats when it hit me;

why did i even bother myself, going mad, for i am just an option to everyone or

how they are making me as their second choice,

when i just did the same thing to another person?

even if it was just absent-mindedly.

it makes you think, right?

on another note,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVELIES!

(who am i kidding? i made plans that backfired right at me but oh well, at least everyone is happy)

FOREVER ALONE

you know what, NEVERMIND

sarcasms do not end easily

[Glee Cast - Bills, bills, bills]

'SSUP!

having those thing we do for every Thursday night

there will be just about a month or so to end semester 2

and then it will be

SEMESTER BREAAAAAAAAAK!

ohyeeeeeah!

i wish im more than just a person

[Kanye West- Love Lockdown]

me want to watch NCIS from the start!

awesome series eh!

oh hey, i havent even finished watching Groundhog Day.

gonna watch it latuuur.

maybe after, The Big Bang Theory.

i miss talking to these assholes

you see, im not all play and no work.

its play and work!

p.s. im really glad to help you out but im not a pit stop, yknow.

find that thing that can make you feel happy

[30 seconds to mars - This Is War]

on our way to Lumut.

remind me not to smile like that again

hellew!

exams result are out already.

i've checked my "daily notes" and it was the same like last year.

ahh...memories rushed in.

i know how it feels when i sucked my exam.

feels like the end of the world, right?

feels like you just hit rock bottom and that sorts.

suuuuuuuuuuck!

but here's what i did;

cried my heart out

shoved the frigging big grey clouds

killed the depression nested in my head

planned out things

backed up the plans

spent the time with the gang (most of the nights)

laughed my ass off

and things turned out pretty well

like things were starting to pick up the shattered pieces

ON THE OTHER HAND,

HERE'S MY TRUCKLOADS OF HAPPINESS:

"so what if i imitate the sound of a unicorn getting tickled? HEEEHEHEHE"

always that part!

Ryan Higa, my future-spouse, said "Randomness is like sprinkles on top of vanilla ice cream...it adds extra colors to life"

[The All American Rejects - Another Heart Calls]

now tell me,

how can i not love him?

HE'S MY OTHER HALF!!!

(its true, if i would ever believe in that...stuff)

Miri, "di ambang 2010"

as my dad would say it.

notice how i put my cardigan over my mom's kain sarung?

because im awesome that way!

HEHEHE!

(i bet, most of y'all reaction is 'youvegottobekiddingme' and not in that awed way)

meanwhile...

zufazafirah zulfazafirahzulkifli

RT @fezzonfffire: Remember when I caught your eye? You gave me rainbows and butterflies

umaigaaaad!

i envy people who can see themselves doing what they like as a living

hi!

as of now, we're celebrating Irfan Bachtiar's 2nd birthday.

and they all are now currently singing Sahara.

srsly? yeah.

but here i am,

writing this with a whole lot of grey clouds!

im gonna shove them off in a bit.

but right now, sigh.

i have trouble with my lecturer.

well, i guess, all my mates are having trouble.

i is sungguh susah hati ini!

bah ok bye!

oh yeah, happy February!

I mean not again!

I get confused easily. And sometimes its the things that arent worth my energy at all. Umaigaaaad! Ah yes, i might be saying that a lot for this lot while. Alright? Okaythanksbye!

im a lot of thing and maybe creepy is one of 'em

[RAN- Jadi Gila]

wanted to know my hair length

guess i got a little carried away...

so!

its the second week of January.

i just recently going up to school again

but right now, it still feels like holiday cause

most lecturers havent started any classes yet which means no tutorial

and also equals to no class till noon!

don't you just love the first week of schooling?

and whats more of a good news is that for this second semester,

all of my classes end till 3.40!

OHYEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

p.s. i pray for good things to happen

im a full of nothing on everything

happy twenty-eleven, everyone!

hope things gonna work very well this year.

best wishes.

im missing you hard, haziqah azari! ♥