and it's actually time to go to school. again. and one of the thing i wish it never exists in this world has started: orientation!
i never really like the idea of orientation. or maybe it's just me who isn't so friendly and i judge and im rude and all that sorts. HEHEHE. well, i tend to build defensive wall when surrounded with strangers. i just don't feel comfortable in 'getting to know each other' crap.
so it's peculiar how can i even have friends, yeah? but i realised that my friends are those people who i once felt 'amazed' at when i first met them. like si Haziqah Azari, i was amazed how small she was when we first met in form 1. Ade: was amazed how obnoxious he looked like and sounded when talking. (still do) Qiellah: was amazed how she can be talking craps but making sense at the same time. Nazurah: was amazed that she can curse that can pierce right through your heart and it's amazing how i can relate things with her.
(i can mention everyone here but AKU MALAAASSS!)
so i feel sorry to them who are in the same 'rumpun' or whatever they called it as me.
but orientation is still a good thing though. BELUM LAGI START BELAJAR!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
there's nothing to afraid about. save your thoughts with good things.
it's been 7 days or so im away from home. i've been staying at Lumut and now, Biong with Ejan and Nana. Adele talked us into this and now, they are playing wiisampai te-bitchy2 oh, we even have a code for this: S.O as in sleepover (i know, i know) HAHAHA
DAMNIT! i lost the very last 5 minutes before midnight strikes by showering. i should have posted something so that the date im writing this is on the day of my birth. so people, let's pretend that it's still the 10th of July. moreover, it's still 12-something-AM and i considered the next morning when i wake up as the new day with a new date.
so! another year has gone and now, (i really hate to say this out loud) i'm 19! time flies when you're having fun! myyy goddd! all im going to say is that even though being 19 for me is really hard considering the fact that im closer to the end of "teenage", im happy that i have been living my life! (i think) i am now for almost 6 months in holiday mode, unemployed and broke! it's the life that ive been dreaming about when im in school back then, though not on the unemployed and broke part. it's like life...is taking on a vacation :)
but it all starting to come down when i, finally realised that there is more to life than just having it your own way. i know because at one point, i forgot that i have responsibilities and i've also come to the point that i must go on with life independently. things REALLY started to change.
maybe that's what they called it as growing up or maturing. Though i dont see myself as one and honestly, for me, growing up is hard. because we are expected to act this certain ways when we reached at this certain age. it's the social expectation and the norms and values we've internalised. i mean, i dont see the point. it's like, the more we grow old, the more bitter we get. the more serious we get. the more stressful we get. that is not something i wanna be! heck, the thought of it too isn't welcoming enough.
and for that, birthday is gonna be so easy if i have the will to accept. and i'm reaching to it ssssssslowlyyyyyyyy
but then, maybe things gonna change its course again. maybe, one day. and maybe that day is going to prove me wrong for saying all of this. maybe.
p.s. Thank you to everyone for the effort or even any extras one to make me feel blessed for having you guys around. i feel loved! ♥!
p.p.s. Thank you Elle for the fighting fish, Qiellah for the most exotic cupcakes. Thank you to both of you for the surprise and Elle's two cousins too. Thank you to Haziqah Azari, Hazirah Hamid and Lukman Hakim for the day. YOU GUYS ARE THE MOST AWESOME!
p.p.p.s. HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAAY, ZULFA ZAFIRAH ZULKIFLI! LET'S ROCK THIS 19 OUT!
yo! as of right now, i hate my current hair. i just had a new haircut couple days ago. well, i've been longing to cut my hair though for the last few weeks back. and i've been nagging my mom too but now, when i finally had it, i just came to a realisation that i hate it. (okay, maybe i just dislike it)
just whenever i see myself in the mirror, i feel like i wanna die! and i know it's not helping but i even browsed through old pictures. depressi berat!! im being a real pain in the ass to my mom. (and to my sisters, my cousin, my aunts, babah) i whined how i feel like i wanna cry when thinking about my hair.
sigh
dan sebagai penutup nya, When you finally get what you wanted, it certainly doesn't mean you get what you needed
