im not a people person

and i dont think i ever will be.

im not friendly.

i think i think differently.

bet you guys cant even understand that.

i dont have anything interesting to talk about.

and most of the time i really dont want to hear your gibberish talks.

i dont have the ear to hear all your problems.

im not willing to lend it.

i dont give a damn really.

i always find bliss in ignorance.

the only time i would probably love to be left alone with my own thoughts

is when surrounded with strangers.

i build a huge wall for all of you.

try to break that down and i will most likely give you that

"WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE?!!!!!!" face

just because i hate small talks. why?

because they make awkward moment even more awkward-er.

i am so hard to please lah and for that,

i am probably the most boring person in the world.

i even feel awkward when i am to be situated with kids around.

but social experiences taught me we have to act cute and

make that ridiculous faces just to get their attention,

when all they ever do is just stare.

blank stare.

what a high-standard-attention whores!

and creepy.

this technique doesnt always work.

at least to me.

which i concluded there's something wrong with me

and for that, i like to bully kids.

until they are crying and i leave the crime scene.

feeling rather happy.

so,

there IS something wrong with me.

but i just pretend all of this is only inside my head.

is this real or not is the real question.

is there something wrong with me is not.

but whatever.

for all that questions, i just respond with

'AHH...DIAMLAH!'

p.s. awkward-er is blatantly not a word. duh!

how foolish was that!

yesterday was a good day :)

it was a happy day

something that i would never forget. insyaAllah.

i wish i can really describe how i felt.

how wide my smile was, how hysterical i was,

how crazy i was, how i was so adrenaline-rushed

it was amazing!

heh

and i told to myself

'oh dear god, i can die happy now. really.'

this thing is going to have a heavy turn

the reason for all the unexpected smiles i give

dear all,

there's this guy...

somehow after 'knowing' him,

i feel like for all the craps i have written here is just literally sampah.

but the thing is, im ridiculously awed by him everyday.

most of the time, its jealousy.

yknow,

i want his kind of mind,

his kind of thoughts,

his consistency,

his choices of words and everything.

and he blogs.

not in tumblr or wordpress or that kind.

simply, in blogger.

so, remember when i said i dont have the heart, the will and that sorts to do this anymore?

(its in the previous post)

well baby, i guess im staying!

heh

Thank You For Whatever We Used To Be

so i know its been two months since i leave this place.

i havent got the time or the effort or the will to do this anymore

but dont have the heart to delete this thing.

oh well.

decision, decision.

right now,

im having my 8.30 - 5.30 life pace everyday.

i even work on Friday!!!

its tiring but so far, its been good.

i dont know what el

se to say or write.

but hey, raya is fine :)