my emotional rollercoaster weekend

ha!
first post of 2017.
you know i have been meaning to this.
waaayy ever since on the 31st really.
i even have draft saved in here.
and not even halfway i stopped.
my malas just got the best of me.
yknow, the usual.

what i really know,
or really wanna do for this year is that
to say yes to more things.

because i hope by doing that
it will take me places from my own comfort place.
heh.

so the final trigger that really made me to finally do this
is what happened this weekend.

ha!

so the three of us went to KK.
me, Eqah and Lukman.
just because.
well, actually because Eqah purchased her ticket using Sky miles (free!)
and we were just tagging along.

but Lukman and I (me insisted) opted to just drive there.
big mistake.

get the picture?
I had to sit loooong hours journey, 8 hours to be specific, with Lukman.
and then another 8 hours journey back again.

unbelievable.

i lost count on how many times i have rolled my eyes throughout the journey.
throughout the 3 days!

and during the nights i had to deal with one who is loud snorer and one who currently has cough.
think i zombied couple times the next day and got cranky.
sikit.

and then we have today!
our last day in KK.
and during breakfast - Eqah out of nowhere just started "so anywayy..."
and proceeded to drop a major news.

*cries

well i actually had/have quite a mixed emotions about this.

i mean i can't really say that i didn't know about this.
like i knew what she was going to say when she said that.
i saw it coming.
because let's face it, it's inevitable.

but then i was kinda in shock too.
especially after i found out the when.
because wow it's happening.
like omg. this is real.
this is  H A P P E N N I N G.
one of us is ready for next life phase.
and i'm just...sad.

*goes to the corner and cries an ocean

i remember thinking about this one night.
like i was just thinking to myself - what am i gonna do if that happens??
and then i just got sad about it.
minutes later, i sobered up and told myself i'd deal with it when it comes.
hahahahahahahaha

and well,
it came.
hahahahaha

sigh

oh sucks.

but i need to get out from my sad clouds and bubbles and
just be happy for her.
this is about her.
and her life choices.
and i guess she is ready.

and nothing is far more important than that.

just need to figure out the rest of the feelings as i go.

#sispasrah

my bestfriend <3

wedding bells

what is it with people around me lately

everything just revolves around...weddings and marriages.

my colleague friend at work is planning to have hers next year in July/August!

although it was quite fun to help her with researching and finding weddings things hahaha

and then
last weekend was Lynn and Duan Wedding day <3
i was one of the bridesmaid
and it was actually quite fun!

that's a first for me.
to actually take wedding as fun.

maybe it had to do with whom i was with.
and who i got to see.

:)

train stop

ok for starter,
this isn't related from the previous post.

but yooo,
the feeling of doing what you actually want to do,
what your heart really wants to do
is so so liberating!

and somehow even though doing it
might not exactly how you actually pictured it,
the main point is,
you're doing it.

for this case though,
i'm not sure of what i'm feeling.
maybe i haven't thought this through.

or maybe i just don't exactly know
what i'm expecting from doing this.
what i'm expecting from him for doing this.

so yeah,
haven't actually thought this through.

sheesh.
everything about this one person is just...
i don't know.
i can't figure it out.
at best, i most probably ignore it.
ignore him.

you know, the usual.
ignoring my problem until it goes away by itself.
hahahahaha

so yeah,
i'm just gonna pretend this never happened.

Message Seen

sorry for the last couple (angry) posts.
never intended to be so...spiteful.
that was just pure raw emotions and
just letting it all out.

because i really needed to.

hoping for more better stories next time!

hoping for more "heart confettis" posts.

like this one here.

although,
it's kinda leaning towards to "my hati is like pacah"
but also "head in the cloud"

damn.

oh nothing new you guyss,
just seasonal crush hahahaha.
but maaaaann, this one is so hard though.
(or this too also seasonal?)

(or am i just too delusional to even talk about this?)

i like it this time.
because i said it straight up.
and i'm actually proud of it.
freaked out a little bit in the beginning.
but then i was just like "eh fuck it"

i mean,
come on you guyss.
it's just feeling.
and i want it to be known.
i just want you to know.
you don't really have to reciprocate to it.
or have a reaction about it.
just, well, i just want you to know about it.

because if you know then that's enough for me.
like really!
it's a comforting thought that i know that you know it.
and then you just do whatever you wanna do with that.

it really isn't that hard, right?
























now if only you read that message i left though...

Forever Crush

Remember the time 

When i accept (more like embrace)

The fact that i will always have a 

Crush on him who cant be named?

Yeah. 

Still do. 

So i swore off Starbucks Beribi

Because I know he's working there. 

But as "fate" would have it

My friends brought me there today. 

I was a second too late to realise this. 

Because i was too busy being emotional, telling them stories. 

Like i couldn't be a brat telling them

No we cant be here because someone i know works here. 

(Actually I did tell them that)

I tried to be nonchalant about this. 

Telling myself he wont be working today.

It's ok. You're gonna be ok. You'll be fine. 

But as "fate" would have it,

HE INDEED WAS THERE. 

And that's how it would start. 

Just at the sight of him had me a panic attack.

And could you imagine how I feel when I was at the counter and he was behind it? 

*cries a fucking ocean

I mean, all this might be happening because I haven't seen him in a long while. 

(Hasn't it always like this? Everytime?)

It was everything.

I...

My heart. 

Ugh, my heart couldn't contain itself. 

Flabbergasted. 

Hyperventilating. 

It was #jiwakacau at its best. 

It was almost as if like i was in high school. 

OMG YOU GUYSSSS. 

I know this is nothing new. 

But how long has this been going on?

Since high fucking school?!

Crazy!

But ugh. That guy. 

Why was he acting all that? 

I mean,

I get it,

You like the attention. 

But fuck it,

Have mercy 

wishing things to happen but

too scared to let it happen

(this is me right now)

I mean not again!

I get confused easily. And sometimes its the things that arent worth my energy at all. Umaigaaaad! Ah yes, i might be saying that a lot for this lot while. Alright? Okaythanksbye!

a whole lot balloon tied up around up the wrist. i can fly!

my grandparents have their 50th anniversary today!

i wish them very well

and also, Muhammad Rafiq bin Haji Roslan

is celebrating his 7th birthday

this means bouncer, karaoke, bbq and dangdut!!!

but the funny part is I just hit my PMS right about the party started

which explains why im still all dry.

i should have posted this in all wet with a big grin plastered on my face that my cheeks gonna burst, you know.

isn't that effin great?

unbelievable!