grown up pants and hat

I change my blog's name!

it's a really big decision for me. *choke on tears and katip bibir

scrolling down the archive of this blog is a journey down to (embarrassing) memory lane.

"this is only a photoblog" - 17 year old me

girl, please.

but i guess this right here is my learning process.

and as years gone by, it seems my blog and i have gone into transitions.

bless your kind heart, maturity!

im sorry for you who have to deal with all my talking and shits.

so recently something just hit me.

being a grown up is hard man!

conscience is damn hard.

i guess, the time really has come.

the time to actually grow up and be adult.

ugh.

it's time to take into account of somebody else's feelings before your words, actions and feelings.

recently i was pushed into this responsibility kinda thing.

more like shit just got real thing.

maybe its because now im actually the one who is responsible to take care of family now.

its that kinda phase.

i sometimes wonder whether there is more to life than those general, socially recognised transitions of life.

yknow, the learn and get good grades in school - excel in uni - get a good high paying job - get married - have babies - have midlife crisis - be grandparents - enjoy life with your whole life-savings.

sigh

people would never take me seriously in any way.

and that's fine.

it hurts but its fine.

because i believe they are wrong.

and for that i will always look forward to that day where it finally hit them.

so for this responsibilishits, it actually kinda scary.

you tell this and that, how this is wrong and such, how that is not how you would do it...

and that's the thing!

how can you compare how you would do something with how somebody else is gonna do it?

i don't wanna kill their individuality!

heck, i can have my own "words of wisdom" shove back to my face!

can't you seeeee?

i have so many insecurities here. Damn.

im gonna be a bad mother. CRIESSS

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that escalated very fast.

my point in here is i hope i do fine with this.

mind you, im still adjusting to wearing this grown up pants and hat.

x.