How I kicked Mini SRD in the nuts

I am currently watching American Horror Story (Asylum)
Well, it's on pause now because...
I have something to share.
(Obviously)

Today has been fairly productive and fully a good day :)
So remember when i mentioned that i have to go through another assessment,
to secure a permanent position in the company?
Yeaah.
That day is today.

Oh man.
The way they deal with us apprentices,
or things generally is such pain in the ass!

They told me about the assessment just A DAY BEFORE!
Crazy right?
It was like a sniper shooting!
Out of nowhere but on target.
Imagine me, the one who was taking the bullet.
I felt my heart just dropped.
And my stomach felt funny.
I thought I was gonna be sick!

#dramaqueen

Ohh! but then they also have the decency in giving me options.

"If you are not ready then you can come the next one in Mid April"

Talk about reverse psychology huh?
Ugh!
Everything feels like a trick question.

Important Note : if you would like to keep your job, be mindful with how your mouth and mind work.

So I called up my friend,
To tell this absurd news that I have to sit the assessment tomorrow (today)!
To which she replied "Ok. Do it!"
In her mind, the faster I get it over with, the faster I'll get paid monthly.
By then, to which I replied "I don't care about the money now. I care about passing the assessment man!"

And so I resorted to my mom.
But apparently she had the same thought as my friend.
I think people weren't exactly seeing my dilemma here:
I just got shot here with the freaking news and don't they think I should have ample time to oh-i-don't-know, PREPARE?

#overboard

But I DID take the assessment today you guys.
I prepared all night.
Had help from my sister.
Revised and practiced my presentation over and over again.
And my prayers didn't stop from the moment I decided to do it until the moment I got my result.
I think I even prayed in my sleep!

When I was at the assessment centre, preparing my answers and presentation,
I suddenly freaked out because I SAW the woman who had assessed me before.
The one who I called "the bad cop"
Damn.
She was grilling me so hard that I felt so crushed.
Talk about a bad memory. *shudders

Thankfully I had a different assessor this time :)
To be honest, I thought I did so-so today with my presentation.
My presentation was about the first project I was given to.
I was actually involved in the Change and Communication team.
So that would be like information and designing and stuff.
But the assessors kept on asking me about how the system works.
I know I should know that but...I actually don't.
I had a crash course on it, just enough information to structure the website and all.

So at one point, I actually felt like giving up.
"Oh god. Not again. I dont make it"
I thought I wasn't good enough to impress them.
It was an awful feeling yknow.
And I swear I had flashes of people that I would disappoint if I fail :(

Then towards the end, I just decided to give it all out.
Just speak out what I had in my mind.
And because of that, I think, made it all right.
It was starting to look good.

When the Q & A ended,
here's what happened:

Assessor: Do you have any question?
Me: Do I pass? (at a point of not caring anymore)
Assessor: Ok, let me tell you this. Today is Friday and that would mean people wont do or cause any harm to other people. So whether you will pass or not is all up to Allah's decision.
Me: Well yeah, but you make the choice. (I'm crazy, right?)
Assessor: Yeah, that's true. But it's up to Allah. Do you think you'll pass?
Me: Oh I hope I do. I pray to Allah that I can get through! (Yep, I'm crazy)

So we have come to the real point for this long post;
I  G O T  T H R O U G H !

I passed the Mini SRD :)

And believe it or not, that to me hasn't even sunk yet.

What I can tell you is :

If you fail today, there's always tomorrow and if God permits, you'll still be around. Take it easy.
— redza minhat (@rdzaminhat) January 15, 2014

That tweet came up on my timeline, in time of my need in support and comfort.
It was after the heartbreak news, when I didn't get through that first time. Heh.

Also, pushing out your boundaries/comfort zone, sometimes help you get the job done.
In this case, it helped me got through with the assessment.

xx

P.S. I Love You

I didn't even remember the first time we met.

Only bits and pieces.

Seeing you the first time with that hair of yours. *chuckles

And then from there, you just stormed your way in.

And change everything.

Literally.

So thank you...

For the effort you've made

For taking good care of us

For every meals you've cooked

For every lessons you've taught us

For every pep talks

For getting through us with care

For every advices that you've given

For your patience throughout the whole 15 years

For changing us from a brat to a good decent person

For being funny

For the littlest things you've done

For showing us about compassion, sabar and rezeki are all from Allah

For praying so we could be blessed by Allah

For putting up with us

For showing us the real perseverance after all the ups and downs you've gone through

For keeping it together for us during worst times

.

.

.

Honestly there are a lot of things that you've done for us that a simple thank you is never enough to make up for it.

You're like a mother to us.

And that is why this parting is so so hard.

Even the thought of you not living with us anymore breaks my heart <\3

(When actually you were so excited to fly back home that you couldn't sleep -___-) 

Thank you for everything.

As much as it breaks our hearts,

What rights do we have in keeping you from going back to your own home and family?

Thank you, bibi Dewi :')

❤